Track Five | Racing

"Well, I was instantly upset." 

That was all I could utter. I think my actions expressed that much clearly. I was so upset I couldn't even explain it to him and because every action has a reaction he snapped back. It all was going so smoothly...as things usually go but I think it was his text I had dwelled on a little too long. We all have a breaking point but that was the wrong moment, however the few glasses of wine allowed me to speak up. Things were feeling to comfortable and it was only a bad thing because we were in a uncomfortable position. Well, I was. I was getting use to him and it took no time for me to get that comfortable. He was comfortable too, he was relaxed with me which I enjoyed to a extent. I wanted to be selfish with him and that night I'm guessing he could tell. 

Honestly, I hated sharing my cake with someone who wasn't hungry. I hated it, he hated it too but there was nothing being done about it, well not quick enough for me. So I blew up.  I didn't mean to but it was overwhelming. Can't stay long  kept dancing in my mind. I didn't want the kid to leave at all I absolutely hated saying goodbye and I didn't this time. Things were complicated and I felt myself drawing to close to someone who couldn't fully commit to me. At least not yet...he had done things this weekend that had my bestfriend screaming "Why can't my man do stuff like that for me?" he was good like that, he knew the little stuff made me smile.. at one point I thought to myself how lucky am I ? but that feeling had left and now the feeling of worriedness (yes I just made that up) had surfaced. "You were so cold to me." he sensed my emotion he was just unsure as to where it came from. "Explain, you gotta let me know." it was hard to do that, it seemed easier to write it all out here than to tell him at the moment. Mind racing... 

*Written days ago*

Kimono's Everlasting

Kimono Everlastinggggg! I wish I had a Kimono for everyday because these little cover up are WAAAY to fly so I thought I'd show ya'll my fall obsession and the different types of Kimono's that you can wear and pair with anything from jeans and skirts to heels and sneakers! they are too cute as a accessory. Check out Karmaloop.com, H&M, Pacsun and ASOS for some cute reasonable kimono's as well as other goodies....Thank me later :) 

Congrats Are In Honor For Kevin Hart & Eniko Parrish

If it doesn't work the first time just brush yourself off and try again! 

Congrats are in order for Kevin Hart and his girlfriend of 5 years Eniko said yes in front of family and friends and what better way to get down on one knee to the woman you adore then at her #DirtyThirty birthday party? However, who would have ever thought that Hart's fans would cause a uproar about it? Fans of the funny comedian though that the proposal was a setup. 

See, Kevin Hart has a ex-wife who is now on the VH1 special Atlanta Ex's and to make matters worst the premiere aired August 18 (Monday) which in fact was the day of Eniko's birthday party and engagement. Now, I did catch the first episode of the show and I must say that Torrei Hart is pulling all strings for that check! Although she says that she's happy and explained that those emotions being televised were relived back in January and that  she's very content in her life and  that she is everything BUT bitter only, nobody's buying that. The way that woman got up there and cried on Cee-lo's ex wife's shoulder and whined about how unfair she's being treated in this divorced led me to believe that those are wombs that will take years to heal however every woman deals differently with pain. 

Where this all gets messy is that, there's now a picture being painted that Kevin cheated on his wife with his now Fiancee' Eniko Parrish. OUCH! No woman wants to be replaced but to be replaced by the sidechick can only make a woman furious. Even though the women have shared plenty of SHADE back and forth to each other recently it's really hard to believe that this is for anything but publicly for the show. Looking at some fan comments on the picture above which happens to be on Kevin Harts Instagram page, both ladies have before supported each other in some form or fashion. I recently read a interview where Torrei even expressed possibly building a friendship with the woman. Now S/N: This is really another blog post but no woman should want or even have a desire to befriend the new woman in their ex's life and vice versa. It's just not going to work, being cordial? absolutely but taking it as far as befriending? which means hanging out, shopping, traveling together? NO MA'AM and word of advice you can't trust the woman trying to befriend you especially if they've spoken badly on your name but that's just me. Moving on...

I'm pretty sure Eniko, whether she is the cause or not of Torrei and Kevin's divorce  is somewhere reading up on all the shade that this "ex wife"  has been dishing since the premiere. Also, whether Torrei is over Kevin or not I'm sure he's alot of the reason why people are watching mainly to find out which party is lying. All in all it'll be interesting to see what will happen on the show this season and how her story as a Ex-wife will develop hopefully some scenes with her new "boo" will be featured as well. Only time will tell...to catch this tea-worthy show on VH1 tuned in on Monday nights at 8:30c! 

Track Five:The Pact

"So are you going to tell me about this boyfriend?" 

I immediately rolled my eyes at that statement for two reasons, one: he was just now bringing this up and two: I knew he was trying to take the steam off him since he was somewhat in the hot seat.I knew what I was about to tell him didn't sound believable however was very much the truth. "We broke up." it was simple, we did break up...like weeks ago. His response was nothing less than what I expected. He didn't really believe me... I guess because he had devils of his own in his closet but he was late, that relationship was over but brad still lingered around therefore I spared him the staggering response and straight up asked what he wanted to know and  like any man he said "what do I need to know?". 


I wasn't exactly sure what he needed to know. For starters it was hard to tell him anything for the simple fact that he was sensitive to what news was brought to him about me whether it came from me or a listening ear so it was ironic that we were even having this conversation in the first place however we recently made a pact to share whatever no matter what. That was the only way we'd stay in a positive place and steer from being at one another's throat. However, right at this moment it was extremely hard with the news that he was bringing to think or remain positive! I knew we agreed on sharing everything but there were just somethings my ears weren't ready for but I swallowed the pill plus we were in complete different places right now so I cut him A LOT of slack. Like he.. I was sensitive and selfish too but I could handle things a lot better than he, he hears something he doesn't like, we might go a few days without talking depending on what it is and how it rubbed him.I might not like what I hear coming from him all the time but I try not to let it get to me. I mean, one of us has to keep it together for the sake of this ship sailing smoothly.


I know this all sounds confusing I'm very single but I'm not open if that makes sense... I've been in a really insane situation with someone who's not only someone I consider one of my very best friends because he knows me inside and out but also he's my BIGGEST supporter even when I get on his nerves LOL but someone I've been deeply intimately connected to for the last five years. We first dated when I was a baby girl and we haven't let go of each other since. Have we dated other people since? obviously but it only seems to happen when we are in a dry spot not talking to each other and basically "beefing". Although, he and I haven't had a title in a few years.

 "Well, the reason it didn't work is because basically he's too busy for me. We don't see each other at all." I couldn't lie, talking about me being with or entertaining somebody else already wasn't a topic he really wanted to speak on but it was a pleasant feeling to know that the same emotion was being shared it was just ME that was the topic and not him. The conversation was really a blur since we were in two different environments last night and he wasn't able to really talk to me that way he wanted so I went to bed. 


"Wait, so you never saw him? tf." I woke up to that message thinking about how this whole truth's pact is going to pan out since we vowed to remain honest throughout it all.  It's not hard to be honest but when you're in love with someone it's a battle of trying to be honest and trying not to hurt their feelings and we both have had our share of hurting with and without each other so it's important to keep it BRUTAL. As far as any LOVE thing goes, he's the beginning and with a lot of consistency definitely the END.All I can do is  see what happens, hopefully the pact works in our favor. 


S/N: There's A LOT I'm not speaking on just yet. I'll break down the behind the scenes eventually. Just know it's just so hard to stay away from someone who makes you feel all fuzzy inside. AHHHHHHH

Revenge of The Baby Mama? I Can't

 

             This is why I really don't want to ever date a guy with kids or multiple baby mothers. 

I figure it's no news that Ciara and Future have called it quits, the sad part about it all is that she's a new mom which makes me think that bad boy future has been getting it popping with other women for quite sometime now. Anywho...which makes this situation so interesting is that word is, future never fully left the relationship with the mother of his one year old son, Brittni and while Ciara was at home caring for the newest edition to this brady bunch Future was on tour with Brittni and their one year old son. S/N: & Dudes wonder why alot of girls don't take that mess. I personally knew that this wasn't going to last long I mean come on....who can take a man with five kids and five baby mama's serious? NOBODY  and if you do, expect that your in for nothing less than a headache whether that man really wants to be with you or not. In between jealous women and one man it's just hard to see possible. 

Now the REAL tea is that if what is being said is all true then Ciara was doomed from the start! because as the saying goes, Karma is a B!tch and she had what was coming for her if she always knew that Brittni was in the picture and that in fact, Ciara was the "sidepiece". Now it all gets messy because I can only imagine how Brittni could have felt knowing that she's been with and supporting this man and his career from day one only for him to turn around and snatch up a celebrity girlfriend like most men in the industry do and I imagine that the water only boiled over when Ciara announced her baby and engagement. However, I'm sure ALL of the baby mama's are somewhere reading the blogs laughing at this entire situation and her stupidity. While all this is going on, why wouldn't Future's management turn this into a profit? Only statement that has been released on all this from Future's camp is that he's turning all this "negativity energy" towards his music. *sideye*

“That love thing kinda hindered him I think, it slowed him down mentally,” the friend said.

“Future’s one of those dudes you don’t really interview,” he said. “To know what’s going on in his life that day, you gotta go to the studio that day. He just takes longer to put his words together and his thoughts.”

Future’s working now, the friend said, on a mixtape to be released to iTunes later this Fall titled Evol. Pronounced like evil, that’s “love spelled backwards,” the friend explained, suggesting that the forthcoming songs are not specifically about falling out of love, but rather about the unexpected forms love can take. “Future has a weird way to love. You might see it’s not all the way right, but it’s still love. It’s not traditional love.”

The friend said that, in spite of the engagement’s end, Ciara and Future may remain friends. Future’s had children with at least three women before Ciara, and the friend says they’re all a part of a family, if a non-traditional one.

When I was in L.A. with him, he has all of his kids and babies’ mothers with him there. When he was in Atlanta on tour with Drake, all of his baby mothers, including Ciara, were there,” he said. “Future loves all his kids and babies’ mothers. I think he’s loved all of them equally.

The mixtape that Future is working on releasing is called "evol" which is Love spelled backwards. Where's my tea for this ish? because I defintely will be taking a listen. With the mixtape coming out and really no other words from his people has gotta be sending Ciara up the wall although she has posted pictures in the studio working on music as well trying to remain focus it doesn't help that USWeekly has not only tried to confirm the split but made up a articles stating that Ciara was happy and remaining focused. Not that it was bad, it definitely made Ciara take a noticed and clap back at them via Twitter. As of that's not enough Brittni is now posted pics and vids from the places that Future happens to be on tour in with some really shady picture comments to add along. The lesson to learn from all this ratchetness is to: 

1. Watch who you love, every apple isn't golden
2. If he has kids, make sure they aren't young...9/10 they are still messing with eachother 
3. If there's multiple babymamas.....RUN
4. If the mother(s) of his children are jealous....RUN 
5. All in all just stay away.....unless you know he's trust worthy

I won't be surprised if later, one of these ladies join a Rapper's GF's/Ex's cast of some sort eventually. 

Rioting For Respect?

Dear African American Community, 

I believe at this point in time, not just us but everyone knows that if there's nothing else in this world that we will ever do for ourselves we will definitely DIE for our respect. Now the question lies, how far will we take it? because we've now allowed other races and communities to think that it's ok to harm us. However, I don't blame them...we kill each other, right? so why wouldn't other people kill us? We are just as ignorant if not more than they for this act. It's sickening to hear that a innocent young black man was gunned down by a police office and killed. Just like everyone in St. Louis I was in enraged with anger as well for first myself being a African American female but also to know that things like this are still happening and yes indeed racism is very much still alive and well. 

I cannot imagine nor even understand how his mother must feel on that day seeing her unarmed 18 year old son laying in the middle of the street face down drenched in blood. I just can't fathom the idea of such. I do imagine though, the level of embarrassment and discernment that she must have felt when what was suppose to be a candle-light service held for someone in respect and concern not only for  justice of Mike Brown and the many others who had fallen due to police and racist crimes but also to stand together for the black community turned into a full blown riot. It's interesting to me that we still fight violence with violence. I believe we learned many, many, many years ago way before our time that fighting wouldn't fix the problem but create more problems. Which makes matter worse is that all this took place in their own backyard. Why must we destroy where we lay to prove a point? haven't we already shown that time and time again only to have nothing to show for our actions? In all honesty...we look stupid. 

Why don't we join together or at least show that we stand up for each other without violence. We don't have to like each other or agree on everything but lets put our pride aside and stand up for someone who in this case couldn't stand for themselves. Let's shock America, do the unthinkable.. stand together in peace FOR justice? is that to hard to ask from the black community? is that to hard to ask for on the behalf of Mike Brown?

A Upward Bound | Chronicles II

A date later.

Yes, I said a date later. Shortly after that number exchanged he was asking to take me to dinner and of course I accepted the offer. Dinner was good, it was fun to be out "dating" again and it was so traditional. From him picking me up from the house to opening doors, the entire nine. The kid definitely wanted to make a lasting impression. I can't remember the last time somebody opened the car door for me and I can't lie I wanted to ask when was the last time that he opened the car door for a chick but anyway to say the least it was all super cute and innocent. 

Dinner went my way. I picked one of my favorite steakhouses for us and the plus was that the kid could keep a conversation going! anybody who knows me knows I like to run my mouth but I do NOT enjoy listening to myself talk. However it was awkward that he just wanted to sit there and stare at me all night while his little pasta dish got cold. Long story short we sat there talking for hours about alot of things. It was refreshing, I'd definitely do it again. I think the fact that he was younger than me did a lot for my anxiety, I wasn't really nervous at all. Very cool, calm and collected. All in all I had a wonderful time there's nothing like good food and conversation. I just don't think anything more will ever come of it, just a dinner or two. At the end of the day, the kid doesn't live here and somewhere in the back of my head I imagine that he is hoping his gentleman ways will get him some turn up time with me later but Nah, that's not exactly the way I envision this going. 

He's cute but it's not worth it, he's not worth it. Like I said, just a bit to eat. Chicks go wrong lovin' on every cutie who offers her a chance. I believe he envisioned himself walking away from dinner with probably a intimate hug and pushing for just a quick peck on the lips but again, very high school. I just hugged him softly when he dropped me off at home leaving him with some sorta walk of shame, IF in fact that was his intention and his sad face emoji he sent me when I opened the door let me know I was correct at least to some extent. 


*UPDATE*

So the goal was to have this finished and out 2 weeks ago but the way my life is set up...time didn't permit that. Sadly, he's no longer here. He went back to Louisiana a few days ago and it's safe to say no kiss ever happened either LOL. Not even a second date. I became so overwhelmed with other ventures that I wasn't even interested in a second date. Nothing awkward happened though, he didn't stop talking or flirting with me. If anything he became more comfortable which kinda bothered me. Why? I'm not sure but I didn't want him to grow comfortable. I don't like anybody to get too comfy because to me that creates room for possible error but anyway I didn't think to deep into it. Again, he's just a school kid. However my cute little friend is to start school in the following weeks and I really do wish him the best. Not sure if I'll ever see the kid again but I think we both made fun lasting impressions on each other to say the least. I don't think I'll ever had someone as adamant as him to try to distract me. I want to wish  him well though with school and all his future endeavors. 

Man Crush Monday

The New Cool!

I am SOOOO in love with Mr. West and all the things that he's making cool like wearing his wedding band, gushing over his fabulous wife all the time and trying to snatch the award for father of the year all while producing great music in the middle of it! I must say, this man should be if he isn't already super busy! And because we all love a wonderful father, Kim posted the picture above with the caption #BringYourDaughterToWorkDay. This family is so sickly cute ! Kim is always winning. Go girl! 

Love and Hip Hop New York Cast Welcomes A Babygirl!

It's a girl!!!

Talented singer/songwriter Amina Buddafly and her on again off again husband Peter Gunz have welcomed their baby girl into the world If you're not familiar with these two they are the centerfold couple for the original series Love and Hip Hop New York. Not sure if the child or couple will be on the show this season, especially the embarrassment she experienced after things on the reunion show panned out very strangely on the show's reunion when Peter Gunz appeared to be everything but excited when Amina told him that the couple were expecting! OUCH! 

I'm surprised to see they both are in good spirits and still pushing strong hopefully this baby will help their relationship! Only time will tell..